Curse

Soul Monarch · May 10, 2005, 07:17 PM // 19:17

Yes, it's that time again. Every other online game gets one, and now it's time for Guild Wars to have it's own version of "Everyone's Free To Wear Suncreen."

So, without further adieu I present 'Everyone's Free To Play Guild Wars':

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the year 2005... Play Guild Wars.

If I could offer you only one tip for online gaming, Guild Wars would be it. The entertainment benefits of Guild Wars have been proved by the developers, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering MMO experience...

I will dispense this advice now.

*Begin Bass Beat*

Enjoy the ease and beauty of the Pre-Searing... Oh, never mind, you will not understand the ease and beauty of the Pre-Searing until it has been Seared. But trust me, in 20 levels you'll look back at the Pre-Searing section of the game and recall in a way that you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous Ascalon really looked.

You are not as '1337' as you imagine.

Don't worry about finding a Celestial Sigil; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to raise an army of Bone Horrors in a 2v2 PvP match. The real troubles with your character are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that sneak up behind you and gangbang you in The Wilds while you're trying to kill a group of Maguuma.

Attack one mob everyday that scares you.

/cheer

Don't be greedy for other peoples gold, don't put up with people who are greedy for yours.

/taunt

Don't waste your time in missions by restarting; sometimes you're dead, sometimes you're alive... the mission is long, and in the end, that death penalty will simply go away.

Remember the 'GG's you recieve, forget the trash talk; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old tapestry shred. Salvage your old armor.

/guitar

Don't feel like a n00b if you don't know what you want to do with your character... the most interesting players I know didn't know at level 10 exactly what build they wanted, some of the most interesting level 20's I know still don't.

Get plenty of gold.

Be kind to your healer henchmen, you'll miss her when she's gone.

Maybe you'll PvP, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have a big guild, maybe you won't, maybe you'll make a new character once you hit 20, maybe you'll buy another account because 4 characters just isn't enough...

Whatever you do, don't talk trash to other players, or worship their 'mad skillz' either - your PvP matches are half luck, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your character, customize it every way you can... don't be afraid of using the wrong build, or what other people think of your dye color. Even a bright teal and yellow Warrior can still own in PvP.

Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but smack dab in the center of Lion's Arch.

Read the quest dialog, even if you don't follow it.

Do not read game guides, they will only make you feel stupid.

Get to know your guildmates, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your old World of Warcraft buddies; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to come play Guild Wars with you in the future.

Understand that group members come and go, but for the precious few you should put on your friends list. Work hard to bridge the gaps in class and communication because the higher level you get, the more you need the players you met when you were a noob.

Play PvP, but stop before it makes you a PK.

Play PvE, but stop before it makes you a carebear.

/laugh

Accept certain inalienable truths: Dye prices will rise, guild officers will quit, you too will start playing on an alt, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you first played your main dye prices were reasonable, guild officers were loyal and noobs respected the Beta players.

Respect the Beta players.

Don't expect anyone else to twink your character. Maybe you have a helpful guild, maybe you have a stupid "online boyfriend"; but you never know when either one might get sick of your begging.

Don't dye your armor too much, or by the time you're level 20, you'll be poorer than when you were level 1.

Be careful whose salvage you buy, but, be patient with those who are selling it. Salvaged materials are a form of greed. Selling it is a way of getting rid of vendor trash, using salvage kits on it, pretending that no one else is capable of salvaging these particular materials and then selling it for far more than it's worth.

But trust me on the Guild Wars.

EnDinG · May 10, 2005, 07:22 PM // 19:22

Heh, I'll say it again, Monarch, you make me laugh.

Forgot to mention:

Wonderful

Serafita Kayin · May 10, 2005, 10:57 PM // 22:57

Rawk.

Straight up.

Gaile Gray · May 11, 2005, 05:27 AM // 05:27

Very nice, Soul Monarch.

Soul Monarch · May 11, 2005, 05:34 AM // 05:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaile Gray

Very nice, Soul Monarch.

Thanks. Just you wait till Christmas rolls around.

Remakes of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and "The Night Before Christmas" are all the rage.

Gaile Gray · May 11, 2005, 05:36 AM // 05:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soul Monarch

Thanks. Just you wait till Christmas rolls around.

Remakes of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and "The Night Before Christmas" are all the rage.

Well, then, I'm counting the days. I love a good bit of creative writing, particularly on my favourite subject.

kerpow · May 11, 2005, 03:08 PM // 15:08

That was super awesome.

My favorite part was:

Quote:

Be nice to your old World of Warcraft buddies; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to come play Guild Wars with you in the future.

I'm running my WoW guild's website and I haven't had the heart to tell them that I probably won't be coming back...

Tur713 · May 18, 2005, 12:26 AM // 00:26

Nice. I loved it.

Rushing Wind · May 18, 2005, 12:44 AM // 00:44

Definitely a way to keep a bored person at work entertained! I'm already having GW withdrawals! Til then this is the place to be and Soul Monarch is the one to read!